Tuesday, October 28
Friday, October 24
"We've all lost our children. It's like the children of America are dead to us. Just look at them, for God's sake -- violent on the streets, comatose in the malls, narcotized in front of the TV. In my lifetime something terrible happened that took our children away from us. I don't know if it was the Vietnam war, or the sexual colonization of kids by industry, or drugs, or TV, or divorce, or what the hell it was; I don't know which are causes and which are effects; but the children are gone, that I know. So that trying to protect them is little more than an elaborate exercise in denial. Religious fanatics and superpatriots, they try to protect their kids by turning them into schizophrenics; Episcopalians and High Church Jews gratefully abandon their kids to boarding schools and divorce one another so they can get laid with impunity; the middle class grabs what it can buy and passes it on, like poisoned candy on Halloween; and meanwhile the inner-city blacks and poor whites in the boonies sell their souls with longing for what's killing everyone else's kids and wonder why theirs are on crack. It's too late; they're gone; we're what's left." - Russell Banks, "The Sweet Hereafter"
Monday, October 20
I saw that minivan again today. The one with the "WUT EVA" license plate and the "I *heart* Pilates" bumper sticker. Too funny.
My faith in life has been restored (for the time being). I had the whole house to myself this morning and it was nice to sit on the porch in the swing-a-ding-ding and drink my coffee and not really care about anything except for where are all the fucking bugs coming from?
I came home from work with a head full of ideas for my campaign posters. I sent a few ideas to some friends via email in hopes of getting some feedback. I'll probably post them once they're finished. I aimed for humor and as we all know, I'm a magnificent archer. Even ask my old gym teacher.
My dad's birthday is coming up and I don't know whether I should buy him a new coffee pot or just get him a card. I got a card from him for my 18th birthday. It said, "Happy Birthday. Your present is coming later." I never did get a present. My brother got a brand-new car. But that's not really important, I guess.
Colin came home from Los Angeles this weekend and he was supposed to see me, but he never returned my call. I was even going to take him out to dinner. Oh well. It'll give me more time to read that book I borrowed from him.
I found a cocklebur stuck to the bottom of my jeans. *sigh* It's been too long...
Sunday, October 19
Yesterday I was sitting at the stoplight just waiting for my car to explode with me inside it. I could feel it coming. I could hear it coming... Well, I'm not dead yet, but just you wait.
"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I might have."
~ Abraham Lincoln
Saturday, October 18
Life is not unbearable. I've been through much worse and gotten through it. People at school used to refer to me as a "strong" person. They've seen me go through rough patches and they've seen me take it like a man, so to speak. This is not what I would call a rough patch....at all. This is what I would call "Lisa is slacking when she doesn't need to be, and maybe indulging in a few other unhealthy activities." But it doesn't mean my life is unbearable. There are days when I'm the happiest girl you've ever met, and there are other days when I just sit and think about all the things I hate about life and it all just snowballs up and makes me cry or write depressing blog entries. But that's just who I am. I'm an emotional rollercoaster, and you guys seem to think that I'm always stuck in the valleys. I suppose I don't write about my happiness as often because I'm actually out enjoying it. And really, the things that make me joyful are so menial that you guys would get bored with it and tell me to "spice things up." But if you insist....
Yesterday my politics class was cancelled because it was the first day of fall break and Dr. Meeks is just cool like that. So after bombing our world lit midterms, we walked around campus enjoying the nice weather. There's this long, stone sign right in front of the Reinhart Alumni Library that everyone like to sit on. It's convenient because there's an ashtray next to it and it faces the mall so you can people watch. Our campus is so beautiful this time of year. I see photographers walking around every day staring through their lenses at the orange and red trees and the leaves blowing across the brick promenade and couple sitting with their arms around each other on shaded benches and groups of freshmen playing frisbee on the Kiewit lawn. I'd post lots and lots of pictures, but alas, I don't have any. Russ offered to sell me his old digital camera for fifty bucks, so hopefully I'll figure out how it all works and post some beauty for you.
Talia is a wonderful girl. She has short, bleach-blonde curls that sit on top of her head and look great all the time even though most days she tries to cover them up with a bandana or hat. She where's tons of eyeshadow but it looks good on her and she's tan and well-built and wears big earrings. And we can talk about anything. It's great. Yesterday we people-watched, but it was mostly guy-watching. I thought it would be weird going to school with boys, but it feels pretty natural. There's a lot of cute ones to be found on our campus, but I'm sure that's true for any university.
Talia demanded that I go to a party with her tonight, so I believe that is what I'm going to do. It'll be good for me since all of my other friends went home for fall break. I hate saying goodbye. Even if it's just until tomorrow, I hate it. Lauren looked so sad when she realized she wouldn't see me or Dana for a whole week. I promised I'd pick her up from the airport next Sunday, and I can guarantee there will be lots of hugging. And lots of hernias. She took all of her dirty laundry home with her and the bag was sooo heavy. We made Alroy carry it and he almost fell over. I didn't know they even made travel bags that big. It reminded me of the 600-pound puppet I saw on Crank Yankers.
I'm off to shower and do other hygenically clean habits. I've been asleep since 5:00 pm yesterday with the exception of a few phone calls. Blech. Where's my toothbrush?
Friday, October 17
I was thinking about tattoos yesterday. I've always told myself I'd never get one. They're too permanent. But I was thinking about them anyway. Maybe one with my mom's initials. Then my dad would spot it and get angry and then recognize the initials and then he would relax and say, "Oh, okay." But I'm not a fat, bald biker dude so I can't have a tattoo that relates to my mom. Jess got one for Ani DiFranco and then she got her zodiac sign. I don't know if I would want anything like that either. It would definitely have to be something that encompasses the real me, so when you look at it you just think "Lisa." What am I saying? I don't want a tattoo.
Thursday, October 16
My mom used to sing to us when we were kids. You could definitely tell she was a smoker. I don't remember how I felt about that. I recall thinking I'd never become a smoker though. Ironic, don't you think? She sang this one so much I eventually became sick of it:
Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.
~ Patsy Cline (Willie Nelson remake)
Tuesday, October 14
let the record show
AlLyBaR486: lisa b, i am seriously sorry for the rude and inconsiderate comments that my friends and i have presented on your blog. you gave us your personal blog to read and we took advantage of it. i admit, the comments were a little out of control, but i think we were all soo shocked by what you were writing. it was soo different from your pee into the wind. i sincerely apologize, and propse for you to take down the comment barrier and allow us to comment with respect. if there is ever another probelm you can put the barrier back up. i really do enjoy reading your blog and hope that you will be my friends and i another chance
lisabee16: i'll think about it and i appreciate the apology
AlLyBaR486: ok and i am seriosuly sorry
AlLyBaR486: i didn't mean to bring you down and hurt your feelings in anyway
AlLyBaR486: good luck on your mid terms
i guess i'm a little skeptical, but can you blame me?
I would have to say that one of my favorite plays is "No Exit" by Jean Paul Sartre. It's one of the few pieces of literature I actually read all the way through in high school. Another favorite work would have to be Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. These works exhibit such a nihilistic point of view that I find most intriguing. This, coupled with the stoicism illustrated in William Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar," makes me become more and more interested in depressing qualities that humans so often tend to posess. I used to want to be a psychologist, and now that I am debating what to do with my life yet again, I think I may indulge myself with a psychology or philosophy class next semester. I also want to take art and Spanish. I've been ignoring my studies lately to immerse myself in the pleasure that art projects bring me. I love my creative outlet. And I have a large interest in the Mexican-American culture. Ever since my trip to California I have wanted to learn Spanish and visit Mexico and all sorts of crap like that. Talia invited me to Cancun with her for spring break, and if I can manage to save up enough money, lose enough weight, and get a decent tan, I may just take her up on the offer.
I'm supposed to be on my way to school right now....then work....then more school. However, despite everything we do, that little battery light on the dashboard wants to stay lit up. My brother gets to drive a brand-new Cavalier for free, and I get to drive a car that breaks down on me every two weeks for free. It's sort of crucial that I be at school today since it is midterm week, but alas I can't go anywhere. It's not fair. I'm not going to be able to go back to Creighton next semester because my grades will be too low and I'll probably lose my scholarship. It's just not fair. There is only one benefit from getting to stay home today: coffee. I can make as much of it as I want and drink as much of it as I want and no one can stop me. Muah ha ha ha. But there's still that chance of failing my anthropology midterm.... Oy.
i made three more collages today. and a poem of sorts:
how can you lose?
really big deal
circle of friends
life's little complexities
ask your doctor
no purchase necessary
the most interesting
Sunday, October 12
I always found it interesting that my grandma has been married four times. My mom was one of four daughters, and each had a different dad. I never knew who my biological grandpa was, but the one I have now is pretty awesome. He's the only person in the world I let call me "Liz." He grew up in Maine and has this crazy obsession with lighthouses. He taught me how to fish. I caught a bass and a few bluegill that day. He drinks scotch on the rocks. He rules at card games and carpentry. For my birthday he made me a frame for my favorite puzzle so I could hang it on the wall. He let me crash at his house. He taught me how to sautee mushrooms and eat mussels. He backed me up when I had debates about religion with my grandma. He didn't give me shit for anything. I used to to go hang out with him and grandma every day after work. I miss that.
Saturday, October 11
I'm in the mood, get ready. - Sublime
Music Box Live
25 October 2003
BE THERE - it's one of the last shows before the place closes down. Call me if you wanna come.
Oh yeah, and some time after fall break there is going to be a pumpkin-carving party and some painting and free food and scary movies, etc. down in Gallagher Hall. It should be fun, so call me for that, also.
Friday, October 10
My boss called me today to let me know what time to come in to work tomorrow. The first thing she said was, "You didn't look too good this morning." "Uh... I wasn't wearing any makeup, but thanks." I thought I looked fine, but after that I wasn't feeling too good about myself.
Midterms are next week and I have at least four tests and a paper. I think it's time I start acting like all my studious friends and actually get some schoolwork done. It's a well-known fact that I always screw around instead of taking responsibility, but I suppose I could make myself change for just a week. However, today is Friday and I am going to indulge in my art projects because that is what makes me content. It's a nice day, but a little too windy to be working outside.
I was showing my friend Talia my online photo album in the library today. It was nice to reminisce a little. I have a zillion more photos that I never posted, but I think that I'm going to just hang them up around my room. If you're that desperate to check them out, give me a call and I'll let you come over.
Someone just rang the doorbell, and I'm really hoping it's not for me. I have a feeling it might be the lady from down the street. I was supposed to write a news story on her, but I changed my mind and never emailed her to tell her that. Oops! I hope that in all the hustle and bustle of her daughter's wedding she forgot about me. I obviously forgot about her.
Tuesday, October 7
Pretty In Pink. Ducky shows up at the record store. He serenades Andie. She breaks his heart.
Try a Little Tenderness
[This is for you] Ooh she may be weary
And them young girls they do get weary
Wearing that same old shaggy dress
But when they get weary
[You gotta] try a little tenderness
[Tell you, might not believe it, but]
You know she's waiting
The thing that she'll never, never, possess,no,no
But while [all the time] she's without it
Go to her and try just a little bit of tenderness
[Thats all you gentlemen gotta do]
Oh,but its one thing
It might be a bit sentimental yeah, yeah
She has - her greaves and care
But the soft words [they] are spoken so gentle
But, oh, that makes it, makes it easier to bear, yeah
You wont regret it
Them young girls they dont forget it
[Cause] Love is their whole, whole happiness Yes, yes, yeah
And its all so easy
Come on and try
Try a little Tenderness
Just keep on trying
You've got to love her
Don't tease her Make love [Get to her]
Hold her tight
Just, just try a little tenderness
Thats all you gotta do
Youve gotta hold her tight
One more time
You`ve got to love her
hold her Don't tease her
Never leave her
Make love to her
Hold her, man
Try a little tenderness
[Just one time] God have mercy now
All you`ve gotta do
You've gotta hold her
Don't squeeze her
Never leave her Y
ou gotta now, now, now
Watch it, tell everybody
Try, Try a little tenderness
You gotta make love
Don't tease her
Never leave her
Rub her down
Smooth her, soothe her
Gotta gotta, zak it to her
Try some tenderness
Gotta, lord you gotta hold her
Squeeze her Never leave her
~ Otis Redding
Sunday, October 5
Homecoming last night was pretty fun. I invited Sean to come with because we don't spend enough time together. Psh! The service at dinner sucked, and the food was so not worth the price. Nobody danced with me, but I did some people watching and could not help staring at KJ when he danced. He's so....mesmerizing. I saw Snoza (ex-bf) there and of course I tried saying hello like 50 bajillion times and he just ignored me. So then when I walked away, his date looked at me like I was a bitch and they thought I was angry. Hah. Angry over him? Puh-lease. The night, all in all, was very pleasant and I'm glad I went. And I don't care what psycho-stalker-bitch says, I was and am totally hot.
I found my Jimi Hendrix cd and I'm loving it. I listened to the blues this morning and it was all I needed to mellow out and enjoy my day. I have a paper due tomorrow, but I have the incentive of going to see "Matchstick Men" to get me through it. If I get my paper done, I can go out and enjoy myself. That's the way the world works, or should anyway.
I'm getting kind of bored with this blog. See me for further instructions.
Saturday, October 4
So this is the mix I've been listening to lately. A lot. And I like it. A lot.
Squeeze - "Black Coffee in Bed"
Otis Redding - "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay"
Otis Redding - "Pain in My Heart"
Smokey Robinson & the Miracles - "You Really Got a Hold on Me"
Blue October - "Calling You"
Rusted Root - "Send Me on My Way"
Rufus Wainwright - "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk"
Rufus Wainwright - "Hallelujah"
Nico - "These Days"
Sam Cooke - "You Send Me"
Live - "Lightning Crashes"
Dido - "Thank You"
Gary Jules - "Mad World"
P.S. Put it in 'shuffle' mode.
Okay, so I had some thoughts, but I spewed them out somewhere else. It was a rather long entry. I don't feel like copying and pasting, so you'll just have to ask me later.
I got my tires checked and I washed my car. I spilled Vanilla Coke all over the driver's side the other day, so at least now it's not sticky anymore. But I have to drive people around tonight and they're gonna be all dressed up. This means I'd better clean out the inside of my car so they don't get stained with god knows what. Yeah, I'm a pig.
P.S. Homecoming is tonight and it's gonna kick ass. No more of that all-girl, catholic high school shit.
Thursday, October 2
P.S. I've got this new blog (that makes like what, 352 now?). It's a public blog, of course, but it's sorta private. It's the real me. I dunno. Maybe I'll give you the URL if you ask politely.
Rule of thumb, I don't do retractions. However, I do make rearrangements. So here were a few posts from earlier:
"some idiot girl keeps calling my cell and i can't tell what the fuck she's saying. it's just loud, static-y yelling in my ear. i hope she's dying. no one will come to help her because she's screaming at me and then hanging up. someone call her up and find out who the hell she is: (402) 630-2660. fuck you, bitch."
"all right, this sucks ass. she called me a few times more. my dad answered it while i was in the bathroom and she gave him some fake name and i dunno what. he said she sounded heavy and manly. i can't verify that, seeing as how i don't know who she is. but whoever you are, this is so not cool."
Yeah, so I don't really know who this girl is, nor do I care. She kept bringing up things that happened way back when, like when I got the whole senior class to hate me for a week. It's over and done with, move on! If she has nothing better to do than call me conceited (in so many words) and then continue to ask me questions about my life, so be it. And I have no problem with anonimity. I've indulged in it myself. But seriously, "period sista," get a life.
I started my period yesterday. While it ensures another month of a fruitless womb, it also torments me with cramps and bloating and mood swings. It hasn't gotten too bad yet, and luckily I have a weekend of rest ahead of me. With the exception of homecoming. And the two research papers I have to write. And my messy room I have to clean. Damn it!
I'm supposed to go see "Matchstick Men" with Sean tonight, except he hasn't been answering his phone. I hate the way he screens his calls. Answering machines always intimidate me.
"Dear Buttlick. Answer your god damned phone. Love Zombie."
Also, thank you for linking me. Haven't seen you in forever.
You are an Intrapersonal thinker...
Other Intrapersonal thinkers include:
Sigmund Freud, Gandhi, Grahame Greene
Careers which suit Intrapersonal Thinkers include:
Psychologist, Teacher, Pilot, Child care worker, Explorer, Drama therapist
What kind of thinker are you?
My dad made me cry at dinner tonight. Not on purpose, mind you. It was because of these two stories:
#1. A nine-year-old boy was caught stealing cookies in his parents' home. As a punishment, his parents wrapped him up from head to toe in duct tape. He looked like a mummy, except for a small opening around the nose for him to breathe. Then they made him lie in his bed all night long while they went out and the babysitter watched tv downstairs. The boy ended up vomiting and died.
#2. A father was punishing his three-year-old daughter for wetting the bed. He forced her to stand naked on a bucket with her arms in the air for 20 hours. Every time she fell off the bucket, he would hit her with a stick. After 20 hours of torture, she finally fell down to the ground, where her father beat her to death with the stick.
I hate the world.
I hate dumbfucks because...
They beat up the passenger side of my car with a baseball bat for no apparent reason.
They cut me off on the interstate during rush hour traffic.
They make a point of telling me when I have a huge zit on the middle of my face.
They treat me differently just because I can't afford to live on campus.
They call me names and try to play it off as "Signs of affection."
They don't answer their phones or return my calls for days at a time.
They hassle me about my bad habits.
They charge way too much for nasty fast food.
Dumbfucks are just....fucking dumb.
|| S O || W H A T || N O W ? ||
I just graduated from high school. So now what do I do? Despite how much I longed to grow up in the past, I'm not so sure I'm ready for it now. I guess I'm just throwing it all to the wind...or rather, peeing into the wind.
WARNING: This blog is not slow-computer friendly!
|| B I O ||
Location: Omaha, Nebraska, USA
Loves: Music, books, coffeehouses, journals, downtown, the ocean, traveling, meeting new people, art, Easy Mac, Trading Spaces, figuring things out for myself, toothpaste
Loathes: Traffic jams, loose change, typos, death, heartbreak, bug bites, chick flicks, mocha, long nails, too much lip gloss, cancellations, pressure, greasy hair
|| C U R R E N T ||
Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Snoop Dogg, Tool, Blue October
[Love Park, Philadelphia]
|| E Y E || C A N D Y ||
|| W O R D S || W O R D S || W O R D S ||
Midnight Movie Menu:
10/31-11/1 Evil Dead
11/7-8 The Graduate
11/14-15 The Big Lebowski
11/21-22 The Hudsucker Proxy
12/5-6 Little Shop of Horrors
12/12-13 High Fidelity
Where: Dundee Theater, 50th and Dodge
Be there or be a boring loser.
|| L I N K A G E ||
Rock My World
Toothpaste For Dinner
|| M O R T A L S ||
Goose Named Dan
Lisa the Roadie
|| R E W I N D ||
April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December
January, February, March, April, May, June, July
|| S T A L K E R ||
|| M I S C ||
Click for a random deep thought.
|| R E F E R R E R S ||
|| A T T R I B U T I O N ||
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