Sunday, August 31
Last night was Jay Jam and it rocked! Well, some of it did. I took Gina with me to the carnival on the mall. Instead of playing various carnival games to win little bouncy balls and yo-yo's, I stood in line for over an hour to get a wax hand. It's so cool! I also got my free ticket to the CAKE CONCERT at Fallapalooza on the 12th. I'm very excited. After the carnival we joined some of the dormies (my new term for people who live in dorms) at the Foam Party. As I danced with my friends, we were showered with foam and bubbles until it went up over our heads. It's kinda scary because you can't see anything and it's hard to breathe. But I loved it anyway.
Gina started up a band called Untold Story, so of course I made the band site for her. It's still in the making, but I think it looks pretty cool so far. I haven't heard their music yet, so I can't really recommend it. But I do like the lyrics to Your Mom.
Tonight is Gook Night, the annual card tournament at my grandma's house. Gook (besides being a derrogatory term) is one of my favorite card games. It's pretty much like playing competitive solitaire. But you do it in teams. Against other teams. And there's chili cheese dip. And beer. And swearing. Lots of swearing. And of course CCR. It makes for the perfect soundtrack.
Saturday, August 30
Me: Grr!! I am woman! Hear me roar! Argh!!! I'm going to kill whomever invented cramps. I'm coming after YOU! *rooooaaaarrrr*
You: You're not very threatening while lying there curled up in the fetal position.
Me: Ooohhh, the pain!!! :(
I've lost the will to live.
Labor Day Weekend: Part One
My aunt sent me this email last night...
IMPORTANT!!!! Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
I hate those hoax e-mail warnings, but this one is important. If a man comes to your front door, and says he is conducting a survey, and asks you to show him your boobs, DO NOT show him your boobs! I repeat...
DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS!!!!
This is a scam; he only wants to see your boobs!!!
Last night was the first men's soccer game of the year, and it was fuckin' awesome! Well, at least the first half was. I left after that. Oh, and there was a tailgate party beforehand. If you were going to a barbeque, wouldn't you expect them to serve hamburgers and hot dogs? Yeah, me too. But how wrong I was. These hamburgers looked pretty weird, which was fine because I don't eat burgers anyway. So my hot dog... It was a big fat gray-ish bratwurst. Gah, so gross! I'd much rather eat a hot dog with god knows what's in it than a stinky sausage. I think I was scarred for life from some Chevy Chase movie from my childhood where they ate terrifying German food.
Three days into the school year and I've already gone to my first college party. And it was good times. But it's pretty obvious that I couldn't drink because living off-campus means I have to drive home at the end of the evening. Which is fine. I don't feel like getting arrested just yet. It was pretty nasty to see people falling over left and right. And that poor elevator in Gallagher Hall... Let's just say that I could tell what the last person to use it had for dinner.
I came home at a reasonable time, and I went to sleep at my normal bed time. I tell you this because today was the first time I ever had to call in sick, and my dad thinks it was because I was out late last night. However, I was up on time this morning... Feeling totally sick to my stomach because periods suck major. Oy, I can barely stand to sit here and type out my blog entry. Men, take advantage of your stinky selves because being a girl simply means cramps galore.
Why else is my dad pissed off? Because of me... Again. Note: Just last week we replaced the alternator in my car when it broke down. Then why is it that as I was driving home last night, the battery light went on again? He does this "sigh of disappointment" thing that makes me feel more awful than if I had killed someone's puppy. It's not my fault the car is a piece of shit. I'd be willing to pay to have it looked at by a professional to find out what the hell is wrong with it. Grr. What a crappy day to top off such a fabulous night before.
Thursday, August 28
More sushi for me! It's becoming a favorite of mine. As is this dental job. Today was the second craziest day I've had since I started working there. First of all, the electrician blew a fuse in our processor, so we had to resort to emergency manual film developing for our emergency patient. How ironic. At the same time, we had to call in the technician for the processor, three patients came in simultaneously, two of whom had mistaken what day it was (i.e. not their appointment day), and the phone would not stop ringing. And to top it all off, I think my last patient was a transgender. I swear to whatever deity you believe in this woman used to be a man! I'm totally accepting of the entire lifestyle and whatnot, but you can't hate me for being curious about it. She even asked us if we wanted to see a picture of her from her past life....*awkward pauses and glances*.....only to find out she had gotten her picture taken in a ragtime/old west theme. Oy, it was just a weird day in general.
Written during my human variation class today:
"I walked half a mile...uphill...in full-on humidity...after driving halfway across town...in rush hour traffic...for a measly 75 minute class...and then I have to walk another half a mile back to my car...in the dead heat...and drive halfway across town...to go back to work...for the rest of the day...Blah."
P.S. Try eating raw ginger. It's yummy.
Wednesday, August 27
Too Soon for Sake
My nerves about the first day of school were calmed down last night when Mina treated me to sushi after work. The restaurant was almost too contemporary to be located in Omaha. But the food was to die for, and I plan on going back again. I asked Mina about sake. Thinking it was some sort of tea, I was looking forward to trying it. But she equated it to isopropol alcohol. That means it tastes nasty like straight gin or vodka. I guess I'm not quite old enough to try that one.
Waking up this morning I ran into all of the typical "first day of school" blunders. I overslept, I had a bad hairday, I almost forgot my books, etc. I had to work in the morning before class, which forced me to eat lunch in the car on the way to Creighton. It wasn't so bad though. I had a big dinner to make up for it.
School wasn't too awful either. Despite my long, uphill hike from the parking lot in 100-degree weather, I made it to class with time to spare. My World Lit class is a basic repeat of AP Brit Lit, but without all the crazy antics. My theology class is going to be somewhat of a bore. The teacher talks quietly, which doesn't mesh well with my bad hearing. And ex-boyfriend Healy sits behind me and over a seat. I can tolerate him when he's not being a dipshit. He's very moody. For instance, the other day I was sitting in the student union and he approached me for the first time in months. We had small talk, "what's your major?" type stuff. By the end of the conversation he had given me his cell number and invited himself to the midnight movie with me this weekend. Smart as I am I invited Candi this afternoon, because as usual, David backed out. He's just so weird sometimes.
Anyway, I think my favorite class so far will be my world politics class. The teacher is funny and straightforward and a major proponent of travel and international relations. I love to travel. I have friends from foreign countries. This class will force me to start reading the paper (which I need to do anyway if I want to be a journalism student), and it will hopefully help me fine-tune my critical thinking skills. I'm a math and science person. Give me a formula and I can solve the equation. I'm much better at memorizing than analyzing. However, I need to be good at both, and here's my opportunity to achieve that.
Monday, August 25
Oh So Dreamy
It's time for Hot or Not Suitor of the Day! Here is Mr. Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love himself. Is he a dreamboat or what?
Sunday, August 24
Has anyone seen my shoes? They're black Chuck Taylor All*Stars with flames drawn on the tops and on the laces. They're basically the closest thing I have to a tennis shoe and I sooo need them right now. Please call me if you find them!
Saturday, August 23
I hate it when people give me the hint that something is wrong, but then they refuse to tell me what it is. Or they say to wait until later. Then I drive home all in a frenzy because I tend to worry about those types of things and all sorts of worst-case scenarios pop into my head and I could probably get into a car accident for not concentrating properly which would definitely ruin the good mood that I was in prior to the hint of bad news. And ironically enough, he wouldn't tell me what was wrong because he didn't want to ruin my "good mood." I wasn't even in a good mood. I was just coming out of a meeting and heading home. I was even in a slightly bad mood because I found out that many of my classes start between 10am and 2pm which means NO PARKING ANYWHERE. The good mood he heard was actually hundreds of college students cheering for a screening of "The Fast and the Furious" in the background.
Other than that, the first day of Welcome Week at Creighton went pretty well. I think I'll like it here.
Meet Joe Chemo, a camel who wishes he'd never smoked cigarettes. Joe is having trouble feeling COOL these days, now that he's lost most of his hair. Worst of all, Joe just realized that he's been MaNiPuLaTeD all his life by tobacco companies. Poor guy -- his tobacco IQ never was very high.
I like to drink coffee.
Except it makes me go poo.
That's not something I like to do.
I spotted someone's curly pubic hair
On the bathroom floor.
I threw it out and ran away.
I hope I don't find any more.
I am home alone.
And I stared at the phone.
I would like to live on my own.
And I would get some new friends.
Ones that don't really follow trends.
Older ones that like to drink
And don't try too hard to think
About how they are just burnouts.
What an ambition - to be a lout.
I would like to just be lazy all day.
And do nothing and everything
In the coolest possible way.
I would like to sit and relax
And smoke a little pot.
But I will probably get caught.
Is my blog hot or not? (<-- insert link here later)
When most people answer the phone, they expect the caller to be some form of human. They generally do not anticipate a large stinging insect. I base this assumption on the fact that all of my phone conversations have been with other humans, except for the six times I prank-called Moviefone.
But last week I was rang, nay, victimized, by one of the wasps that recently made their home in my house's outdoor atrium. The conversation went like this:
Wasp (to the other wasps): Okay, okay, shut up you guys!
Me: Who is this?
Wasp: Then you better go catch it!
Wasp: Wait, no, is your refrigerator running?
Wasp: We will sting your eyeballs!
Yes, wasps are profoundly stupid creatures (although they had apparently managed to find and operate Ryan Christie's cell phone). In fact, today, any given wasp's intellectual prowess would barely surpass that of a California high school graduate.
But if wasps could so much as grasp the concept of "door," humanity would have concerns far greater than catching our refrigerators. Rather than continously ambling about their nests, wasps would simply park their stingers above every front door in temperate climates, and wait patiently. If we humans were dumb enough ever to leave our shelter, POW! Then we would all cry.
If wasps got any smarter than that, they wouldn't even need to sting us. They would obtain F-16s armed with air to surface tactical nukes. And still, undoubtedly, some nature-loving idiot would direct us to "STAND STILL!" when confronted by jet-propelled wasps. Stupidity is not restricted to insects.
Wasps don't die when they use their stingers, so they will sting anything. Animals. Plants. Cars. Small piles of soot. They just don't give a damn. Last week, I could have entered the atrium wearing a seamless bulletproof beekeeper suit, and the wasps would have attacked anyway, thinking, "HA! That is a seamless bulletproof BEEkeeper suit, not a specialized seamless bulletproof WASPkeeper suit! Now, Dan will die."
They want to kill me, but even if they didn't -- even if wasps were law abiding, upstanding citizens, I still could not respect them. Because they don't DO anything! Take bees. Bees make honey. Everyone knows this. Also, they look for pollen. Graduates of high schools outside California know that. And bees are on our side, too. They usually will not even think to sting you unless you provoke them by shooting air rifles at their hive, swatting at them, standing still, etc.
While the bees have legitimate insect careers going, the wasps hang around their nests and smoke copious amounts of marijuana all day long. This is why they make nests to begin with: The nests are crude, primitve bongs. On Saturday, I even caught a wasp puffing on a small joint at the Metallica concert. Okay, no, but I did see Quentin Tarantino, sans entourage, in my region of the pit. Who knew he was a metalhead? Anyway, he's probably dead now.
And so are the wasps at my house. It was when they started loitering on our sliding screen doors that my roommates and I decided they would need to die immediately. (You simply cannot look at a creature that ugly and ignore the problem.) That night, after extensive internet research and consulting the wisdom of several authority figures, we developed the cunning tactic of poking the nests with a stick. How this was supposed to kill the wasps, I do not know.
The next morning, the wasps from the particular nest we brought down began rebuilding. By the time I was awake (suffice it to say that it was no longer morning), they had erected a full blown wasp city, complete with suburbs, right there in our atrium. They did it for spite, I'm sure. You could smell the ganja from the front yard.
We had been hesitant to use Raid because we were fairly certain the wasps would just get high off of it. But, because upside-down skyscrapers were now being constructed in our house, we had to cave in and try it. When the spray contacted the wasps, they sort of froze for a second, as if to say, "Well then, fuck you too." Then they plummeted to the ground in that satisfying way only the bane of your existence can.
So, now that the wasps are out of the way, I can finally ask some burning questions. First, just what the heck is an atrium? Also, where can I sell several crude bongs?
Furthermore, have I ever starred in a feature film? Answer: yes. "Clueless." Click.
Because I think everyone else's blogs are so much more interesting than mine, I'm going to relay some of my favorite entries. Enjoy.
operation rip off my dad.
it was during the period of time when he FIRST disowned me, and told me to never talk to him or "come around" his house ever again. i sat at home, and thought to myself: this fucker is gonna PAY...
but things didn't go quite as planned...
the plan was to break in through an open/unlocked window, dressed in solid black, swipe his stash of pot, gaffle his pile of cash, and rip off his VCR. oh and to not get caught, cuz he might whip out a gun and kill me, or beat me up, or something...
so i broke in with ease. it felt wierd to be in there as an intruder, but i got over it. and proceeded to the 3rd floor where he sleeps and where he keeps a pile of money on some dresser, usually about 1-2 thousand bucks in cash. i remember hearing him snore as i stood there in shock... the shock of finding that he didn't put his money there that night. whatta an asshole, eh?
so i headed down to the kitchen to find his weed. i found an ounce, and five bucks cash. things seemed back on track, so i headed to the family room where i broke in so i could grab the VCR and hit the fucking road.
but even that was a pain in the ass. he was a rich dude, so he had a gang of electronic thing-thangs plugged into shit all over the place. it was a spider web of cords and wires. i literally had to unplug EVERYthing before the VCR would come loose. but it finally did and i headed for my escape window.
as i busted out undetected i ran my ass of back to my car, i didn't want to be seen, because i looked as suspicious as a guy with an uzi in 7-11. solid black clothes and a VCR under my arm. "yeah officer, i was just taking the VCR for a late night stroll."
but when i got home, the weed was gone. it must have fallen out when i was running. so my "big score" was five bucks and a used VCR. how fucking retarded.
to this day i wonder if he ever had any idea it was me. not that i care. he's a selfish prick anyways...
Even on a Saturday they do not let me sleep in. Am I that goodlooking? Surely not.
Creighton has requested my attendance to their "Welcome Week" activities, which in short, are a basic rerun of last month's Summer Preview program. So help me God, if they ask me to do another runaround scavenger hunt in 100-degree weather, someone will have hell to pay. They're even making me pay for the food! What kind of social gathering doesn't offer free food?
Argh. And I have to go meet new people. Yes, I've stated before that "I love to meet new people and try new things, etc." But when they attack me at desginated meet-n-greet times in mass form, it is not so pleasant. Students used to complain that "at the larger universities, I'm just a number. Here, I'm a person." Cue cheesy smile and commercial music. Having come from a high school of less than 400 girls, and knowing almost all 400 of them at one point, I decided that I would just like to be a number in the ranks. An extra in the award-winning drama that is college. Let me sink into the hull and dream of a magical place far off in the clouds where no one can reach me... Where I can dream of sex, drugs, and rock and roll; and I can catch up on my goddamn sleep.
I noticed that I'm always wishing I was older than I actually am. I'm never satisfied with my peer group. Some of my coolest friends are in their mid- to late-twenties. I flirt with older men. I work with middle-aged women. Sad to say, I cannot go join them for drinks. Why oh why must I be cursed with such a belated birthyear?
My writing, along with my attention span for writing, have gone downhill. I can't even make complete paragraphs anymore. Surely my diction is not so great that I can sum up everything I have to say with a few witty words. Oy. I think I'm just becoming a burnout. Can't I just go back to sleep?
Friday, August 22
Not So Sitcom
It's very cliche for the younger sister to borrow clothes from her older sister on the night of her very first date with a guy. But what do you say to the little brother that asks to borrow his big sister's clothes?
My brother's not a cross-dresser. I just happen to have a great collection of t-shirts.
2 1/4 Kolachis Later....
My car is up and running again. Things at work are always crazy, but such is the dental profession. One guy came in with a tooth completely broken off from its root. It was pretty cool to see how far in one can drill without hurting a patient. Quit being so squeamish you losers. Another patient was kinda enough to bring us homemade kolachis. Today is my day off and I had to run many errands and it is hot outside and now I am very stinky. The fee for renewing my plates went down $25 because I moved into a new district, and I picked up my books for school.
- Rooney, Self-Titled
- Coldplay, A Rush of Blood to the Head
I watched Night of the Living Dead for the first time. I think it was pretty good for having been one of the first independent films ever made. Of course, the ending left me a little less than satisfied. I haven't seen the Slayden Crew for quite sometime, which is a tad depressing. And Kara is grounded from seeing me for awhile because her parents were not pleased with our misadventures. With the start of school approaching, I think I had better get off my ass and clean my room. More thoughts later....
Go read other blogs. I'm sure they're more interesting.
Wednesday, August 20
Yikes! What a crazy day. I ran some errands over my lunch break today, and my car died. I was fortunate enough to get stalled as I was pulling back into my work's parking lot. One of the patients helped me push it 20 feet into a parking stall. It turns out it was the alternator, and my dad and brother were kind enough to come to my rescue. I'm thinking I will join AAA. I heard that the services they offer are definitely worth the $50 a year charge. And until I can learn to take care of myself (I can't even change a tire!), I need someone reliable to count on.
To add to my distress, I mistakenly put one of Mina's dental instruments in the wrong machine, and it is possible that I broke it. I learned my lesson, but if it happens again, it's coming out of my paycheck.
Seth has been job hunting and he got an interview for Friday. I'm positive they'll hire him. At least one of us has some good news for the day.
Monday, August 18
What do I do when I'm stressed out? I pluck my eyebrows.
Why am I stressed out? Because I just found out that I'll only be making $7.50-$8.00 per hour this year. I mean, I like my job, but it's gotta be worth more money than that. When I told my dad, he gave me a look and a sigh of disappointment. I got my hopes up for a big paycheck because I have to help him pay for college. Now I feel like crap because I'm right back where I started. (Actually, less than that for the next month.)
Why else do I feel like crap? The Mary Kay cult-recruiters tried to pressure me into making Mary Kay my full-time job. It costs $100 to start it up, and one lady even tried to convince me to write a bad check in hopes that it would not be cashed right away. I probably already gave them more information about myself than I should have. They entice you with promises of a glamourous lifestyle thanks to huge paychecks. Yeah that's great for a stay-at-home mom edging her way up to 30. But I'm only 18. I just started a new job. I'm about to start a 16-credit-hour school year. I don't have the time to put any effort into selling Mary Kay. I don't even like putting makeup on other people. Touching other people's faces is not my bag, baby.
Gah, how can I escalate my mood? I feel like such a pile. :(
Sunday, August 17
Look Guys, I Wrote Another Poem
Green Acres is the place to be.
Gin and tonic is the drink for me.
I'm a workaholic, that's no lie.
Darlin' I love you, but that ain't an alibi.
(Alternate line: Darlin' I love you, now pass me the Canada Dry.)
Well I definitely overworked myself this week. I spent more of my day sleeping and lounging around watching tv than anything else. P.S. The Monkathon ruled. Thoughts of having to work tomorrow morning at 7am are not comforting. The summer is ending, and so are my days of fun. School, work and sleep are the main courses on my menu from now on.
The Mary Kay lady called me. She wants me to be her model at some demo at the Marriott in Regency tomorrow night. I'll probably get some free gift for compensation, but it's another accomplishment to add to my brag list. (Note: I don't really have a brag list.) I dunno. Free makeover - it should be fun.
Seth has been complaining about life in general lately. He says he's sick of living in LA. I'd do anything to get him to move here, even if I had to be his roommate to help him afford the cost of living. *grin* Things are pretty serious between us, but it's hardly convincing when he lives 1,300 miles away. I want more. I know he does, too.
I'm totally not living up to my weekly ritual of watching the midnight movie at Dundee. Last night I went to see "Zelig," which looked like a good movie. However, I worked approximately 12 hours yesterday and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep in the theater. Then I crashed at a friend's house, came home at 8:30 in the morning, and slept here until 1pm. I'm such a loser. But I really needed to catch up on my sleep. I've been working both jobs this week, and I was definitely worn out. Last night I also went out to dinner with Colin because he is leaving for college on Wednesday. Not only did he want me to return a borrowed dvd, but he wanted to say goodbye to me as well. Ah, I feel loved. I was supposed to go to a barbeque at my cousin Kate's house because she is also leaving for college. But....that got cancelled. Major bummer.
Life in general is weird. Last week Mina paid me $12.25 per hour, and this week she only paid me $7.00 per hour. I have no idea why, but I'm going to approach her tomorrow and ask her about it. Yesterday was my last day at Baker's, thank God. I had to train a new guy named Hilton. It was amusing because his friend Milton also works there. And just because they are both black, some customer had the notion to ask if they were twins. Yes their names rhyme, and yes they're both black, but they look nothing alike. I'll miss my friends at Baker's (especially the cute boys *grin*). Today is the last day of the Greek Festival downtown, but I think I am going to wait to go until next year. Besides, I don't really feel like going by myself. I think I'll just finish up some painting today.
Saturday, August 16
lisabee16: who is this
Afganisrgay: akbar the afgani
Afganisrgay: who dis
lisabee16: not an afgani
Afganisrgay: oh ok
Afganisrgay: to bad
lisabee16: yeah sorry
Afganisrgay: u hot
Afganisrgay: i like this one fat chick named jullia
lisabee16: oh yeah? did you ask her out?
Afganisrgay: she dised me
Afganisrgay: it was low
lisabee16: i'm sorry
Afganisrgay: pathetic hu?
lisabee16: girls can be bitches
Afganisrgay: u one
lisabee16: mm not very often
Afganisrgay: oh coo :)
Afganisrgay: where u live
Afganisrgay: dushville afganistan
lisabee16: hmm, I think it's doucheville
Afganisrgay: its a gay name though
lisabee16: yeah well, what are ya gonna do?
Afganisrgay: get a guy and shoot him
Afganisrgay: its the thing here
lisabee16: yeah i guess you could do that
Afganisrgay: its cool
lisabee16: it would be sorta sad though
Afganisrgay: you die if u dont do it
lisabee16: i don't believe you
Afganisrgay: its sad
Afganisrgay: it makes you feel gulty
lisabee16: and then you shoot yourself?
lisabee16: eventually even
Afganisrgay: lets see who can type 123 fastest
lisabee16: i win
Thursday, August 14
Long day at work. I work in the morning at Mina's and in the evening at Baker's. One of my customers turned out to be a Mary Kay lady, and she asked me to be a face model in her fall catalog. Um, what? Of all the people to ask, why me? This is one of the worst break-outs I've had in a long time. But I think it was just the lighting. In Baker's bathroom mirror, I look like shit. But in my mirror... Well let's just say.... Oh nevermind, we won't say that. :) But I tend to look great at home. Tomorrow I work 7am-1pm, and then 3pm-10:30pm. Oy, I'm so exhausted.
Wednesday, August 13
It will be a cold day in hell before I ever eat again....excluding this morning's breakfast. In the last week I have dined out more than I would in a month, and I am so fucking full. Mexican, Italian, American, Swedish, Thai, and Greek. I couldn't handle any more if I tried. I bought myself the drawing board from my birthday list. The shoes will probably come next, and maybe a haircut if Melanie ever comes back from Colorado. After a very busy week, my "vacation" is over. Now it's time to crack down, get to work, and get ready for school. I haven't even bought my books, and I still have to get repairs done on my car. Blah, and now I have to get ready for work. I mean, yay! I love my new job. :)
Friday, August 8
I went to Panera for the first time in a long time today. Their bagels and coffee are still as good as ever. I also went to the zoo for the first time in forever. I hadn't been there in at least over ten years. It was quite an adventure. I fell in love with the monkeys and marmosets and jellyfish and rainbow-colored parrots. The f*cking huge gorilla got pissed off at me for no reason and jumped right at the glass and pounded his chest at me. Needless to say, I was scared shitless. I took advantage of being 18 and stopped into Dr. John's for a lookaround. It was an okay place, but a little expensive for my tastes. I picked out a totally rad "Free Dr. John" t-shirt. After dinner at Fazoli's (mmmm), I concluded my evening with some lounging around and old school Saturday Night Live reruns. This week I've been home only to sleep, and even then, I am still crashing at other's people's places every few days. I dunno. It's nice to get out of the house and do my own thing. I guess I need to get it out of my system before school starts.
Wednesday, August 6
Monday, August 4
Happy Birthday to you! There will be a delay with your present due to fiscal conflicts; however, the wait will be worth it....I hope.
I painted my nails neon green.
I wore three different outfits.
I drank four cups of coffee.
I pulled out an eyelash and made a wish upon it.
I wore lipstick.
I smelled like "Desire."
All for you.
Sunday, August 3
Today I told Brian G. that I was happy. And I was sincere.
Siv001: sounds like its going pretty well, hehe ;-)
lisabee16: yes for the most part
lisabee16: I am happy.
Siv001: well thats all that matters :P
A Royal Satire
The Baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for his castle had not only a gate, but windows. His great hall, even, was hung with tapestry. All the dogs of his farmyards formed a pack of hounds at need; his grooms were his huntsmen; and the curate of the village was his grand almoner. They called him "My Lord," and laughed at all his stories.
The Baron's lady weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, and was therefore a person of great consideration, and she did the honours of the house with a dignity that commanded still greater respect. Her daughter Cunegonde was seventeen years of age, fresh-coloured, comely, plump, and desirable. The Baron's son seemed to be in every respect worthy of his father. The Preceptor Pangloss was the oracle of the family, and little Candide heard his lessons with all the good faith of his age and character.
Pangloss was professor of metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology. He proved admirably that there is no effect without a cause, and that, in this best of all possible worlds, the Baron's castle was the most magnificent of castles, and his lady the best of all possible Baronesses.
"It is demonstrable," said he, "that all things cannot be otherwise than as they are; for all being created for an end, all is necessarily for the best end. Observe, that the nose has been formed to bear spectacles -- thus we have spectacles. Legs are visibly designed for stockings -- and we have stockings. Stones were made to be hewn, and to construct castles -- therefore my lord has a magnificent castle; for the greatest baron in the province ought to be the best lodged. Pigs were made to be eaten -- therefore we eat pork all the year round. Consequently they who assert that all is well have said a foolish thing, they should have said all is for the best."
~ Voltaire, Candide
My only birthday present. Thank you. I love it.
Time to clean house. I am sooo fucking excited...
On a different note, I had to close the store last night. It sucked. There's hardly any customers once 10:30 hits, so I spend the majority of my time standing around with my thumb up my butt. Bryan and Tyffaney both came in yesterday to visit me. It was a nice surprise. Why don't more of you come to visit me???
I have to work 3-midnight tonight, and it is also going to suck. Having breaks helps compartmentalize my time, though. I like it when the store is busy, because it keeps me busy, which helps the time fly by. However, corporate Baker's is made up of a bunch of jackasses who think we need to lessen our man-hours, meaning we become shorthanded in the stores. This is not good when it is busy, because then customers get janked on their service and refuse to come back to the store. With all these customers shopping elsewhere, my store becomes empty leaving me lonely and bored with nothing to do but stand around with my thumb up my butt. This is one of the many reasons why I am glad I got a better job.
That, and the new uniforms are itchy, which obviously doesn't mesh well with my 1,045,289,784 chigger bites. Kilowatts? No, you dumbass - chigger bites. Ahh, thanks Doc. That's the power of love....
Saturday, August 2
Ways in which I like to help people include proofreading their essays, teaching them to make cool websites, relaying phone messages, holding the door open, buying them lunch, giving them rides, and scratching their backs.
Today I relayed a phone message to my dad and taught Candi how to make an aesthetically pleasing blog. She will add much more to it later. I hope. Or I will remove her link from my site and her eyeballs from their sockets.
Who Got The Hooch?
I went to see "Spinal Tap" with Colin tonight. It was pretty good, but I was tired from having to give Rick a ride at 5:30 in the morning. On the drive home, Colin decided to analyze me, but I don't think he did a very good job because for some reason I act differently around him than around other people. He sees me as a scientific, critical, nit-picky, unromantic annoyance. To each his own I guess.
The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I like to sink her with my pink torpedo
Big bottom, Big bottom
Talk about bum-cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drives me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
I met her on Monday, 'twas my lucky bun-day
You know what I mean?
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek-day
You know what I mean?
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah...
Big bottom, Big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drives me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
Friday, August 1
Hey, Guess What?!
I got the job! Woot!! After putting in my two weeks at Baker's today, I will be an official dental assistant. I'll be filing and sterilizing and assisting with patients and I'm totally excited. This week is looking better and better. Go tell your friends!
And a very Happy 18th Birthday to my cousin Kate :) I'm sorry I can't come to your party tonight, but I hope you guys have a lot of fun! "Spinal Tap" is playing tonight at Dundee. You should totally come.
|| S O || W H A T || N O W ? ||
I just graduated from high school. So now what do I do? Despite how much I longed to grow up in the past, I'm not so sure I'm ready for it now. I guess I'm just throwing it all to the wind...or rather, peeing into the wind.
WARNING: This blog is not slow-computer friendly!
|| B I O ||
Location: Omaha, Nebraska, USA
Loves: Music, books, coffeehouses, journals, downtown, the ocean, traveling, meeting new people, art, Easy Mac, Trading Spaces, figuring things out for myself, toothpaste
Loathes: Traffic jams, loose change, typos, death, heartbreak, bug bites, chick flicks, mocha, long nails, too much lip gloss, cancellations, pressure, greasy hair
|| C U R R E N T ||
Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Snoop Dogg, Tool, Blue October
[Love Park, Philadelphia]
|| E Y E || C A N D Y ||
|| W O R D S || W O R D S || W O R D S ||
Midnight Movie Menu:
10/31-11/1 Evil Dead
11/7-8 The Graduate
11/14-15 The Big Lebowski
11/21-22 The Hudsucker Proxy
12/5-6 Little Shop of Horrors
12/12-13 High Fidelity
Where: Dundee Theater, 50th and Dodge
Be there or be a boring loser.
|| L I N K A G E ||
Rock My World
Toothpaste For Dinner
|| M O R T A L S ||
Goose Named Dan
Lisa the Roadie
|| R E W I N D ||
April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December
January, February, March, April, May, June, July
|| S T A L K E R ||
|| M I S C ||
Click for a random deep thought.
|| R E F E R R E R S ||
|| A T T R I B U T I O N ||
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